I
made a mistake this morning. I woke up early, too early, and thought
I would check out Facebook while I waited to drift back off to sleep.
Instead of sleep I ended up with my blood boiling. My mother bear was awakened. My heart was pounding as my fingers madly typed. I tried,
politely, to let a longtime friend of mine know that a meme she was
sharing was shortsighted and diminished the experience of those that
really do have ADHD, Bipolar, and depression.
While
normally I just let memes and comments like this go, pass them
quickly, ignoring them. Every once in a while one just hits the wrong
nerve and I can't help but slap it down. Today this was the culprit.
I considered putting the image in here so you could see it but to be
honest - I don't want to give it any air time. But I will describe it
to you. T the top it says in bold print: CHILDHOOD IS NOT A DISEASE. Followed by a split screen showing the 1980 and 2014 with the same set of
pictures for three scenarios. It indicated that what was called
daydreaming in the 80's is now called ADHD. What was called moodiness
in the 80s is called Bipolar and what was a loner in the 80s is now
called depression. That was pretty much it.
My
attempt at a kind rebuke as answered. Really, she said, she does
believe in these disorders, it's just the evil drug companies are to
blame and over diagnosis and bad parenting that she's worried about
and that's why she shared this particular meme. I went back and
looked it again. Was there any mention of drug companies? No.
Parenting addressed? No. Over diagnosis? Just in asking the question
in subtext: "Do you think they over diagnose our children?"
What
I held back in my first response came flying out in my second. Why?
Because I am tired of holding my tongue and watching ignorance passed
around and perpetuated! I fight that same ignorance, those same
stereotypes, and myths at the forefront of the battle here on this
blog and on my EverydayHealth.com blog shoulder to shoulder with
other parents, teachers, friends, and family that know and
understand.
I
said to her...
"A
young lady in our church committed suicide a couple months ago -
while this meme would say there is no depression in youth - they're
just loners. She battled depression every day for years. As for being
a loner, she had many friends, truly everybody loved her, and was
constantly surrounded by them. She was a student athlete, a straight
A student, an active beautiful girl with a huge giving heart. She was
about as far away from being a loner as you could possibly be. She
didn't share her battle with depression with anyone but her parents.
Her friends had no idea - why? Because of stupid stereotypes like
this one.
You
may feel that pharmaceutical companies are behind the increased
diagnosis of ADHD, bipolar, and depression but those numbers are
negligible compared to those that aren't. This meme does not address
what you say is the issue at all. Maybe you would like to talk to
this young girl’s mother, post this on her wall so she can see it
or come spend a day with my kids - I'll hide the meds and you can see
what their life is like without them. Maybe you would like to spend
an hour or two talking to Rachel (our oldest daughter) about her
feelings of inadequacy and failure from the years she went through
school without a diagnosis or medication. Memes like this don't
help - they don't correct wrongful diagnosis. They do, however, keep
people from seeking help by perpetuating stereotypes and myths that
these very real disorders are nothing.
As
for these kids needing parenting not meds - I am a bad ass when it
comes to parenting and guess what all the bad ass moves I have made,
all the coping mechanisms I have taught and teach every day, all the
nights I have sat up with a child that couldn't sleep because of
insomnia or was fighting depression or anxiety have not once changed
how their brains are wired and function. I can guarantee that I am
not the exception to the rule in parenting - there are thousands of
parents just like me that go way above and beyond to help their
children with disabilities succeed. I know, I talk to them from all
corners of the world, every day.
You
can reason it however you want - this kind of crap that is passed
around without any forethought perpetuates ignorance. Maybe you are
fortunate enough to not have children with these issues in your life
or maybe your're in denial - I don't know but regardless this meme is
ignorant and shortsighted, it perpetuates outdated stereotypes and
myths and it is harmful whether you believe in ADHD or not."
Here
is the deal. While I am positive that there are kids that are
diagnosed incorrectly I am also positive there are kids that aren't
diagnosed at all that do have these disorders. I also believe that
much of what we see as over diagnosis because of large increase in
the numbers over the last several decades has to do with our
increased understanding of the disorders and better diagnostic tools.
For example, my husband wasn't diagnosed until he was an adult. He
and many like him had ADHD but were never diagnosed. In that era only
very extreme cases were. As for over medicating. I am sure it
happens as well, but, there are also many kids that could
benefit from medication but don't have it because of the stigma
associated with it. Their parents are afraid to have them diagnosed,
to medicate them, to get them help because of the stigma associated
with these disorders.
We
parents of kids with these disorders and others like them fight a
daily battle of decision. We work hard to do the best for our kids
often, like in our home, by combining as many therapies and
treatments as we can find that will work. We fight that stigma, those
stereotypes, that ignorance, every day and so do our kids. Why?
Because other people, adults, and kids, are influenced by these kinds
of ignorant memes that gets passed around the internet.
I
am a strong willed person and heaven knows my kids are the same. They
have an understanding far above their peers about these disorders,
their disorders. They know what's entailed in them, how their brain
functions differently. They understand not just from living it but
they understand the biology of it. They stand up for themselves when
peers or adults make ignorant statements like, "ADHD isn't
real." As my son told one such naysayer, "Just because youdon't believe in the Sun doesn't mean it doesn't shine."
As
his parent I really wish such ignorance would go away. I wish
it wouldn't be
"shared," "liked," or "retweeted."
Enough already. Think before you post, STOP sharing
ignorance.