Stop "Sharing" Ignorance about ADHD, Depression & Bipolar: One Mother's Plea

I made a mistake this morning. I woke up early, too early, and thought I would check out Facebook while I waited to drift back off to sleep. Instead of sleep I ended up with my blood boiling. My mother bear was awakened. My heart was pounding as my fingers madly typed. I tried, politely, to let a longtime friend of mine know that a meme she was sharing was shortsighted and diminished the experience of those that really do have ADHD, Bipolar, and depression. 

While normally I just let memes and comments like this go, pass them quickly, ignoring them. Every once in a while one just hits the wrong nerve and I can't help but slap it down. Today this was the culprit. I considered putting the image in here so you could see it but to be honest - I don't want to give it any air time. But I will describe it to you. T the top it says in bold print: CHILDHOOD IS NOT A DISEASE. Followed by a split screen showing the 1980 and 2014 with the same set of pictures for three scenarios. It indicated that what was called daydreaming in the 80's is now called ADHD. What was called moodiness in the 80s is called Bipolar and what was a loner in the 80s is now called depression. That was pretty much it.

My attempt at a kind rebuke as answered. Really, she said, she does believe in these disorders, it's just the evil drug companies are to blame and over diagnosis and bad parenting that she's worried about and that's why she shared this particular meme. I went back and looked it again. Was there any mention of drug companies? No. Parenting addressed? No. Over diagnosis? Just in asking the question in subtext: "Do you think they over diagnose our children?" 

What I held back in my first response came flying out in my second. Why? Because I am tired of holding my tongue and watching ignorance passed around and perpetuated! I fight that same ignorance, those same stereotypes, and myths at the forefront of the battle here on this blog and on my EverydayHealth.com blog shoulder to shoulder with other parents, teachers, friends, and family that know and understand.

I said to her...

"A young lady in our church committed suicide a couple months ago - while this meme would say there is no depression in youth - they're just loners. She battled depression every day for years. As for being a loner, she had many friends, truly everybody loved her, and was constantly surrounded by them. She was a student athlete, a straight A student, an active beautiful girl with a huge giving heart. She was about as far away from being a loner as you could possibly be. She didn't share her battle with depression with anyone but her parents. Her friends had no idea - why? Because of stupid stereotypes like this one. 

You may feel that pharmaceutical companies are behind the increased diagnosis of ADHD, bipolar, and depression but those numbers are negligible compared to those that aren't. This meme does not address what you say is the issue at all. Maybe you would like to talk to this young girl’s mother, post this on her wall so she can see it or come spend a day with my kids - I'll hide the meds and you can see what their life is like without them. Maybe you would like to spend an hour or two talking to Rachel (our oldest daughter) about her feelings of inadequacy and failure from the years she went through school without a diagnosis or medication. Memes like this don't help - they don't correct wrongful diagnosis. They do, however, keep people from seeking help by perpetuating stereotypes and myths that these very real disorders are nothing. 

As for these kids needing parenting not meds - I am a bad ass when it comes to parenting and guess what all the bad ass moves I have made, all the coping mechanisms I have taught and teach every day, all the nights I have sat up with a child that couldn't sleep because of insomnia or was fighting depression or anxiety have not once changed how their brains are wired and function. I can guarantee that I am not the exception to the rule in parenting - there are thousands of parents just like me that go way above and beyond to help their children with disabilities succeed. I know, I talk to them from all corners of the world, every day. 

You can reason it however you want - this kind of crap that is passed around without any forethought perpetuates ignorance. Maybe you are fortunate enough to not have children with these issues in your life or maybe your're in denial - I don't know but regardless this meme is ignorant and shortsighted, it perpetuates outdated stereotypes and myths and it is harmful whether you believe in ADHD or not."

Here is the deal. While I am positive that there are kids that are diagnosed incorrectly I am also positive there are kids that aren't diagnosed at all that do have these disorders. I also believe that much of what we see as over diagnosis because of large increase in the numbers over the last several decades has to do with our increased understanding of the disorders and better diagnostic tools. For example, my husband wasn't diagnosed until he was an adult. He and many like him had ADHD but were never diagnosed. In that era only very extreme cases were. As for over medicating. I am sure it happens as well, but, there are also many kids that could benefit from medication but don't have it because of the stigma associated with it. Their parents are afraid to have them diagnosed, to medicate them, to get them help because of the stigma associated with these disorders.

We parents of kids with these disorders and others like them fight a daily battle of decision. We work hard to do the best for our kids often, like in our home, by combining as many therapies and treatments as we can find that will work. We fight that stigma, those stereotypes, that ignorance, every day and so do our kids. Why? Because other people, adults, and kids, are influenced by these kinds of ignorant memes that gets passed around the internet.

I am a strong willed person and heaven knows my kids are the same. They have an understanding far above their peers about these disorders, their disorders. They know what's entailed in them, how their brain functions differently. They understand not just from living it but they understand the biology of it. They stand up for themselves when peers or adults make ignorant statements like, "ADHD isn't real." As my son told one such naysayer, "Just because youdon't believe in the Sun doesn't mean it doesn't shine."

As his parent I really wish such ignorance would go away. I wish it wouldn't be "shared," "liked," or "retweeted." Enough already. Think before you post, STOP sharing ignorance.

From Making the Grade to Making the Adjustment to Summer

NO books ~ ALL papers

Summer time ~ In so many ways the end of school is a huge relief. No more racing, pushing, begging, pleading, bargaining to get kids out the door and to school. No more stressing over homework to be done, doing it, or the last and oh so critical step of turning it in which seems to be the hardest sometimes. No more worrying about missed days and make up work or late assignments, social issues with friends or lack of friends to have social issues with. No more banging your head on the nearest hard surface when the school's number pops up on your phone because you know that your over dramatic, anxiety ridden child is once again in the nurses office.

But summer isn't always the get out of jail free card that we would hope it would be.  Summer can bring its own set of issues - change in routines, change in social situations, change in mental stimulus all can lead to their own kind of stress and trouble taking some of the joy and relaxation out of this much awaited vacation time.

We by no means have mastered the ADHD summer but over the years we have come up with some great
ways to cope and counter a lot of the draw backs to summer - I thought I would share some here.


Routine - I have found that my ADHD kids have a strange sort of love hate relationship with routine. I used to think that they hated it altogether. As my continued push towards staying on a routine met their innate ability to forget that we had one at all I was sure that they were routine resistant. I took as evidence their looks of utter surprise when I would remind them what they were doing and what came next, as if we didn't do the same thing everyday.  I used to think that until I changed the morning routine and everyone fell apart, they got mad at me. They were correcting me, telling me what was supposed to be next, and then fell apart at the thought that I had changed it.  I was stunned.


We start our morning the same regardless of where we are, what time of year it is, whether its a holiday, school day or vacation day.  It has added a lot of stability to our house. Your routine may be different - I don't think it is what you do or the order you do it that matters, rather it is the fact that you consistently do the same things in the same order. The fact that it never changes acts like an anchor emotionally giving each day common ground to start off on.  In our house the kids, of all ages, get up, take meds, eat breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, and ready to start the day. 

Structure - we add in some structure to our days not necessarily the same as routine because they aren't as scheduled. But my kids know that during the summer days they are most likely going to do chores in the morning, they will have some time on the computer, they will have time to be creative, to play, to read, and probably watch a show.  These activities aren't scheduled for the most part but they happen regularly almost every day of summer.

Boredom can be the start of much trouble as that brilliant ADHD mind seeks for stimulus to satisfy itself. One thing I have done with my kids is have them make lists of things they like to do, things they find relaxing or fun, stimulating and satisfying, things that won't get them in trouble. When they have some down time and are starting to feel the itch of boredom they can refer to the list for ideas.We use summer to catch up on the things that there is little time for during the school year. Summer is a time we choose to feed our kids creativity with their imaginations we really don't accept the, "I'm Bored," complaint from any of them.  From the time they were little they have known that if they come to me and say I am bored I will give them some ideas of things I know they would enjoy, but if they complain my answer will most likely include a chore - they rarely complain to me that they are bored.

Fun activities or outings - Included in your structure can be small trips or activities you do regularly during the summer. Trips to the park, to the zoo, to visit with friends and family, or book store story times. Even the library, which, for us, is finally not an exercise in late fees, lost books and the fear of landing on the library's most wanted list for us. Knowing that one or two of these activities are going to happen during the week gives something to look forward to and is a great bargaining chip to get chores and other mind numbing activities done.

If plans change - heaven forbid - give as much warning as possible and try to replace it with another activity like reading a story together, playing a game together, something to ease the blow.  ADHD kids have a very hard time when plans change - they set these activities in their minds as markers for the day or week, they become pillars on which they build a sense of stability when those things change its like pulling the foundation out from under them. In offering an alternative activity in a sense you are shoring up their foundation, keeping the world stable. Being understanding to the their experience is the first step in handling it patiently and patience allows you to use the moment to teach. We often tell our kids that we understand what they are feeling, but life is about things changing so it is important to develop strategies to cope with change. Change, ironically is a constant in life.

Maintaining and Building Skills - One of my favorite books is The Out of Sync Child has Fun. It

is packed with fun activities that build skills, focusing on Sensory Processing Disorders. Probably as much as the book helped me better understand what my children may be experiencing and provided so many fun activities to help; it also opened my mind to the idea of making learning new skills fun and exciting.  I am already writing a more in depth post on different fun ways we have found over the years to build and maintain skills during the summer, but here is one example that is happening right now in our house.

One of our daughters, so far this summer, has been working on making and applying latex wounds and special effects make up (decided to leave out the picture of my daughter's gross fake gaping neck wound - though if you want you can see it if you look at the pictures on my twitter @ADHDqueen) as well as sculpting. This is a great example of an activity that  crosses over and serve as both fun and help build or maintain skills.  She has dysgraphia and the use of fine motor skills required to sculpt keeps her hands strong. If you are creative you can find lots of ways to build and maintain skills that don't seem like work.

Social Opportunities - We are kind of our own flash mob.  With so many kids in the house much of our

social skills training comes just from interacting with each other. Though we still try to maintain relationships that have been built during the school year. Having friends over is a great way to do this. Just like I have my kids make lists of what they might want to do and explore during the summer when they have a friend coming over I ask them to come up with some activities that they plan on doing. Having some plans lessens the likelihood of awkward times with friends. We go over the ground rules and social rules before the friend comes over so that they remember things like paying attention to their guests feelings and needs, compromising, and make clear parameters like what time things are beginning and ending. While knowing there is a time that things are going to wind down doesn't prevent them for asking for more time I can always remind them that we agreed ahead of time when things would end.  I try to always give transition time, warnings that social time is going to end so it doesn't end abruptly setting off a meltdown.

We had whirlwind of activity to wrap up the school year with multiple awards assemblies, class parties, and one of our daughters turning 18 and graduating all in the same week. The backpacks are sitting right where they were left on the last day of school. The stress of grades is over. The California High School Exit Exam has been passed (both math and reading). The report cards came in the mail. There are no after school clubs, play practices, or homework. Thank Goodness, everyone has welcomed the shift in activity from over scheduled and pressurized to the calmer more even pace of summer. I for one am not missing the near daily calls from the school nurse. Though I have appreciated her patience and help, I really don't want to know her as well as I do. So far it has been the best transition to summer we have ever had.  One thing that is for certain in an ADHD household is that nothing is for certain - we'll see what tomorrow bring - heaven knows the tide can turn at any moment.

Do as David Boreanaz Says - NOT as I do

If I thought there was any chance at all that David Boreanaz would actually see it or read it I would send the man a thank you note for his wonderfully insightful commencement address to the students of Ithica College.  He said, what I truly believe, every good parent wants their child to hear, to know, to internalize, and live their life by. He certainly said what I want my children to live by and what I believe in my heart is essential for them to understand as individuals that break the mold of normal, who think differently, who combine limitless energy and creativity with great intelligence in the pursuit of paths that are truly less traveled.

I was introduced to the show Bones not too long ago when my world came to a screeching halt with a long bout of pneumonia. It was my husband and children who encouraged me to watch it. I fell in love with it, in fact it may be the only TV show that I have ever fallen in love with.  Now they tease me because I follow the actors and actresses, the writers, and every bit of news I can find out about it. I became equally interested in the lead actor, David Boreanaz, as I watched interviews etc. because his energy, playfulness, impulsivity, and creativity reminds me of my children. I like finding successful adults who I can see my children's attributes in - it gives me hope that all the work and effort I put into raising mine will one day end well.  I like to see what has contributed to their success and hope to instill those principles into mine while they are still young and learn ways to encourage them as they grow older and struggle in a world that pushes for conformity rather than individuality.

early play

The commencement address given by David Boreanaz is great motivation and direction for young adults and adults; a pep talk before the big game, a reminder of what to seek and how to seek it to get the most out of life. It is also a great playbook of lessons to teach children as they grow up so that those messages are instilled in them from an early age. Whether you have children that are "normal" or kids like mine these messages are important. But when you have kids that march to the beat of their own drum, brake all the molds, and never knew there was even a box to think outside of these messages are critical.

One of the first things Mr Boreanaz laid out in his address was the importance finding your own authentic existence. To me he was saying find and own who you are, at your core. All of us have strengths and weaknesses it is not until we figure them out, until we own them, that we can begin to capitalize on our strengths and conquer our weaknesses.

He says he came by his authentic self through the honest process of play, "I cannot tell you the amount of times I spent and hours and the lives I lived among the gas cans and snow shovels and snow tires playing with those puppets and doing skits with my sisters. I learned early on that playing is so important...remember to play."

still playing

Play comes naturally to our children. In fact, they have played long beyond the age that society says they should and until I was listening to this talk and considering this post I never connected the absolute importance of it.  Next time I am complimented on the creativity, the talent in music and acting, their writing abilities, or what great artist they are and someone asks me how they all ended up so talented I know what to say.  Thank you, they are this way because we have always encouraged them to play.  And when my oldest, who has had such a wrestle with the notion of leaving childhood behind, is frustrated in her search for her path, I will remind her that growing up, when done right, does not mean you can no longer play. In fact, given her talents and desires playing may be the key to her
success.

Play, of course, must be combined with work to add up to progress. And work, the many jobs we hold on the path of life add dimension and experience to who we are.  David Boreanaz talked of the many jobs he held on the path to becoming what he is today and how those jobs worked for him in the end. He spoke of how each of those jobs helped him in his search for his authentic existence.  Some were, "tough...you guys have to work," he advised, "you have to earn it. No one is going to give you anything in this life. You have to earn it."

In a world where everything comes instantly it is hard for this generation to see that between steps A and step Z is a whole alphabet of experience. If we were to skip the experiences we skip all the wonderful stories and character they bring into our lives.


"laughing is essential." says David Boreanaz, "Laugh in your journey, laugh at yourself." I think I might have this one put on a plaque in my living room. Humor is critical to surviving the stresses and trials of life.  It is one thing that has made our family successful and saved us - otherwise the complete amount of chaos in this house would push us all over the mental edge. We have so many contradictory traits clamoring over each other, so much impulsivity, no filters on actions or mouths, people who need quiet and those that want everything loud, emerging social skills (and I use the term loosely) if we could not laugh at our weaknesses we would never have to strength to conquer them.

Get off the couch he advises, "it took an earth quake to get me off that couch." Taking charge of our lives and where we going takes effort and comes with risk and fear. Here, here is where I stumble, personally, and where I got the title for this post.  Mr Boreanaz says, "you see fear is a great motivator. So be uncomfortable, its okay, it gets you off the couch." And where I can say I have worked hard to instill these wonderful messages in my kids, whether I understood there relevance or not. I cannot say that I have been a good example of facing and conquering fear.  While Mr. Boreanaz seems to have a great relationship with fear I fall prey to it. While it is his motivator it is most certainly my captor, I think there might even be some water boarding involved. One of my greatest fears would be that while I tell my kids to take risks and not to let fear stop them they see that my example is just the opposite of my words.

In using the wonderful story Where the Wild Things Are (a family favorite in our house) he comes to a most beautiful conclusion saying, "there are so many malicious beasts at work in the world...the most destructive of all are the monsters born out of our own insecurities, you know them, its the negative messages that we give to ourselves. I can't do this. I'm going to fail. I'm not good enough. Don't listen to them...block them out...you can tame those thoughts. Don't be afraid. Fear blocks faith in yourself. it blocks your ability to love, it blocks out the sun if you let it ... be fearless."

And of course facing your fears brings you full circle to that search for your own self, your own story, the life you build and make and live. He says, "really living is the art of cutting through all the distractions of the day, finding a calm place in your head and your heart and getting to that core of yourself where you are most vulnerable and then own it."

This commencement address seemed perfectly timed.  It seems like for quite a while now we have been in a conversational rut with one of our older children. She tells us how frustrated she is with life and that it isn't progressing towards the end she really wants it to be going.  She points out how all of her friends lives are going places and how they are all doing things. She lists all their accomplishments. She laments that maybe she should take a different path, a more practical path like her friends.  She then sobs, real tears, over the path that she would abandon to be more practical.  I tell her to walk her own path, to recognize that her path
is different and different is good. I tell her to own who she is to not get lost in who other people are or distracted by what they are doing.

And after I listened to this address I said to her, "you HAVE to watch this, this was for you." I wanted her to hear someone else, who has lived a big life, tell her to trust herself, that authentic self that she has tapped into but is afraid to follow and act upon so she can live the big life she knows is inside of her. I wanted her to hear these powerful words that Boreanz spoke, "trust that what you love doing the most is what you're meant to do."  I wanted her to hear, not just listen, but hear him make this simple but beautiful comparison, "the dance floor of life is yours for the taking. Get out there, learn the moves, remember to strap on shoes that fit you, it's very important, not the ones that are perfect for someone else. Your turn on the dance floor, it won't be a minute waltz, more like a dance marathon."

And to her fear and mine he spoke, "You're going to make mistakes. Make them big, make huge mistakes, learn from your mistakes. You're going to get sidetracked, everybody gets sidetracked you might even get cancelled, don't take it personally please just get back out there because you know what, if you make it through season two they just might give you guys a spin off."

ADHD, dyslexia, SPD, dyspraxia, anxiety, OCD, dyscalculia, ODD, ASD depression they are all diagnosis, definitions, and parameters that help me understand the way my children think and how the way they are wired affects their actions.  When I say I wouldn't change those things about them if I could, I mean it.  They are amazing.  They are destined to live big lives and do great things using their unique perspective, their intelligence, creativity, energy, impulsiveness, imagination and more to change the world. Unique creative thinkers require unique and creative parenting. That is my passion, my children. I am certainly a work in progress myself  so for now I will say to my kids, you have to watch this, with the same enthusiasm and excitement  that they told me I had to watch Bones. I will sit them down and say listen to this, this is true and then I will add, "do as David Boreanaz says and I will try to also."

Introducing The Mighty Kubar: Redefining Entertainment

Saying there is a lot of creative energy in our house is like saying there's some corn in the Midwest or cows in Texas, it's a complete and utter understatement.  While other families may have sports or NASCAR we live squarely in the middle of a creative hotspot.  We are constantly looking for ways to channel and use that creative energy in a positive and productive way.

stop-motion with Now & Laters

Why?  It's not just about self preservation.  Okay, admittedly there is an element of self preservation too.  We NEED positive outlets for that extra ADHD/ADD energy.  But, as parents, Mark and I feel strongly that helping our kids find and develop their talents and passions is important to their success as adults.  It becomes even more important when you add ADHD/ADD and it co-occurring conditions into the mix.  We know, from experience, that finding a career that falls within those passions increases the odds of being successful.

the duct tape armor upgrade

We feel so strongly about it that we're willing to walk around the table, camera, and lights that are set up in the middle of the living room to make stop motion movies. We try not to trip over easels, paint jars, and brushes in the kitchen. We laugh as we walk by a ninja scaling the side of the house.  Endure months of frustration from failed attempts at cracking a locked briefcase code (we practically threw a party when he cracked it).  We had no qualms about upgrading cardboard armor to duct tape/ chicken wire armor.  We've even dismissed the nearly constant injuries to the arches of our feet from Legos and toy army men as an acceptable price to pay.

Although at times it may seem hard to see where a healthy obsession may lead in future years as far as careers are concerned we know that it is all part of the process.  Sometimes it's the process of elimination, sorting out the things they thought they would love and found out they didn't.  Sometimes finding a talent that they didn't know they were extraordinary at.  Either way it helps teach them the process of success, setting goals, working hard, overcoming adversity, learning confidence, and resilience.  All of which are very valuable life skills.

Yep, that's my living room

Usually these quests are individual, sometimes a couple of our kids will pair off in the passionate pursuit. This newest endeavor involves our entire family and I tell you we couldn't be more EXCITED about this latest adventure.  So excited we want to share the journey with you.

In our house we have artists, writers, musicians, actors (oh do we have actors, they practice their dramatic skills at home for me, my husband, and their siblings as well as for audiences on the stage). And as a family of film buffs we have worked on both short films and feature film projects from pre-production through production to the completion of post production. It dawned on us that we have, talent wise, everything it takes to write, direct, and produce a web series.  So that is exactly what we've set out to do.

We are excited to introduce The Mighty Kubar.

Kubar is prince and great warrior from another realm. He has been hidden away on Earth by his parents for his own protection from a formidable foe.  They have cleverly placed him where no one will think to look, in the body of a puny high school freshman.  Kubar struggles to accept his new stature and physical limitations as well as trying to function in a world that does not think or act the way he does.  He is quickly befriended by a highly intelligent and eccentric friend, Roswell, who will try and help Kubar come to terms will his own uniqueness.

Roswell and Kubar

People say write what you know.  Well, we know neuro-biological disorders.  You will see in Kubar just what it's like to be completely wired differently than everyone around you.  He will struggle with great intelligence and simple mundane tasks, with sensory issues, with insomnia, social skills, attention, hyper-focus, communication, and more.  My family says the story is written by I.T. Self because it is so easy to turn our real life experiences into Kubar's life that it writes itself.

We are in pre-production right now.  Crazy busy with concept art, story meetings, writing sessions,wardrobe and prop acquisitions, marketing meetings, and scheduling shoots for our first episodes.  We would like to invite you along for the ride.  We're all having a blast.  We will be posting our experiences as we go, as we redefine Family Entertainment.

Follow The Mighty Kubar on twitter @themightykubar and on Facebook at The Mighty Kubar

What passions do you pursue as a family? What passions have your kids found to add balance to their ADHD/ADD or ASD lives?


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Up on My Soapbox: Regarding Adderall Addiction

the following was a response I posted on both Dr. Oz's website and Dr. Kenny Handleman's website regarding pieces done on Adderall Addiction

I may be selfish but stories like these strike fear into my heart.  I have a large family of ADHDers, my husband and 6 of my 7 children. All of them except one take medication for their ADHD, 2 of which are on Adderall products. Those two are by far have the most severe ADHD in our house and have been the hardest to find the right balance of medication for.  Adderall XR has been a godsend for them, for relief from symptoms, for their success in every aspect of their lives, not just educationally.  My fear for them is that abuse and negative press will put at risk the availability of a needed treatment.

My heart goes out to the families whose children are suffering from any sort of addiction. If anyone understands fighting for your children, for their needs, for understanding, for help I would say the ADHD community of parents does. We engage the court of public opinion, school systems, health care professionals (not all of which understand or accept ADHD) and often well meaning but uneducated family members as we push for help, treatment, acceptance, education, understanding, reform.
 
I worry that those that don't struggle with this disorder daily don't realize what a tenuous walk on the tightrope it is. The court of public opinion is always anxious to negate ADHD as a made up disorder, as bad parenting. There are always discussions about the risks of medication that seem to circle not around facts or case studies but around fear mongering and shock value. This debate, these sensationalized arguments negate the real struggles of people with real ADHD and the value of real treatment in their lives.They sit on either end of the tightrope and shake the wire we are trying so hard to successfully navigate. I felt like Dr. Oz was shaking my rope today as I watched the clips from his show, seeing clearly his concerns about Adderall addiction but not really seeing him make a distinction between those who need and appropriately use the medication and those that abuse it.  My question to him is this: is he willing to do a special on glaucoma where he addresses those who abuse glaucoma medicine in the same manner and title it A Case Against Glaucoma Medicine? Or insulin or any other medication that can and is abused but has real and necessary applications for those who need it, properly use it, and don't abuse it.  I really feel he did a disservice to those who have ADHD and need treatment by fueling the fire.  What about the child who is now not properly medicated because their parents watched that Dr. Oz piece and fear medication is going to turn their child into an addict? What about when that child turns to self medication and ends up committing suicide because they struggle with depression related to ADHD, because they feel ineffective in their life, because they live in a whirlpool of failure, because despite their efforts they don't finish, can't focus, drop out of school,or end up in prison, because they were not under the care of a doctor, getting the help they need, using medication wisely. While there is no doubt that this is an issue that needs to be addressed the manner in which we address it is critical.

I certainly don't want to be guilty of diminishing the experience of those parents of children suffering from an addiction to a medication they don't need and shouldn't have access too.  At the same time I feel protective of a treatment that I have seen work wonderfully when needed, properly accessed, and monitored by our psychiatrist.  It brings out the mother bear, I want to protect and defend the experience of my family members. It makes me want to sit these young people (and adults) down and do a little parenting myself. I want them to understand the risk they are taking not only with their own life but also with the lives of others, those who need the treatment and don't abuse it but run the risk of losing it to a panicked public and reactive uneducated law makers. 

Having said that - I agree with the solutions that were put forth on this by Dr Kenny Handleman and the couple addressed by Dr oz and Dr. Hallowell. I think they indicate the problem areas rather effectively.  Dr. Handleman certainly deals with the issue in a considerably more effective, less inflammatory way. Truth is there is no way to completely eliminate abuse of any substance.  Those that want to sell it and those that want to abuse it will always find a way, but we can make it more difficult. There is no doubt that this is an issue that needs to be addressed - the answer is not to stop medicating those that need it or to make medication out to be the bad guy (creating fear in those facing the decision whether or not to medicate).  The issue that needs to be addressed is how to stop the flow into the hands of those that don't need it and would abuse it. A clear distinction needs to be made. Sensationalism will never solve any problem and in its wake will certainly create as many problems as it attempts to solve. Let's remove the fire from the discussion, approach it in an open and honest manner and actually make strides towards real solutions.

Lisa Aro
The Queen of the Distracted

You've Come a Long Way, Baby - Happy 16th

Oh Mary,

I can't believe that you turned 16 years old today.  My mind is filled with snapshots of all we've been through together.  You have been my greatest adventure, sometimes my greatest trial, always my greatest joy, and watching you continue to overcome the trials you've faced fills me with more pride than you will ever know.



You have taught me so much about parenting and life. How else would I know how to get royal blue fabric paint out of cream carpet. How to identify the sounds and smells of danger from across the house. How to listen to that mother's voice within just in time to catch a child who has decided to make a tightrope out of a bathrobe tie and traverse the distance from the crib to the bunk beds. How to unlock almost any door in record speed to stop you before you got into too much trouble.

You may be the most fearless person I know!

You taught me that while I may be a fearful person at heart, content to hide and operate in my little circle, there are things in this world worth fighting for. You, my dear, are one of them.You, facing your struggles, awoke the mother bear in me. Pushed me to be better, more dedicated, more courageous, persevere, fight both for you and for me.

Without you I would never know the power of a plastic pair of preschool scissors and that they could cut dollar bills into tiny strips or perfect squares out of metal mini blinds. For that matter I would never understand the value of your fierce independence.  Independence that made a little girl "problem solve" by taking those same scissors and cutting a huge strip of hair right off the top of your head to remove a comb that was stuck in it, giving yourself a reverse Mohawk.

I can see now that you needed that fierce independence. I can see now how that quality has served you in facing the litany of learning disabilities that you have had to face. I can see now how it helped you and continues to help you conquer them.

When we were doing the test shots for The Mighty Kubar and you were working the slate, you wrote the 5 backwards - I thought it was so funny when you started talking about all you dys-es.  As if it wasn't enough to have severe ADHD you came with your own special package.  Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Dyscalculia, Dyspraxia, auditory processing, sensory processing, motor processing, wow, what a list and you only see out of one eye. How does this all fit together? It all fits together in you. You are so much more than your disabilities, though I know that sometimes it seems like the struggle to push past them is the only thing you can see.

I almost hugged the school psychologist that did your last set of IEP evaluations.  Why? Because she saw a fraction of what I see.  She started by saying, "Mary is really intelligent, so intelligent that she has come up with incredible measures to compensate for her disorders."  That my dear is the truth.  So intelligent.  More intelligent than you may ever realize despite our repeated efforts to drill it into your head.  But what you have is more than intelligence. Your fierce determination and perseverance, your fixation or obsessions, whatever you want to label it, pushes you. Your intelligence combined with your determination, perseverance, dedication, fueled by that fierce independence makes you nearly unstoppable.

That fierceness has driven you from a place where you couldn't read to a place where you read all the time. You write, draw, paint, film, act, invent, create, dream, anything you want to do, you set your sights on and do it. No learning disability has ever stopped you from pursuing what you want. I love that about you.  I admire that about you.  And when people see you doing all the things your peers do with ease I wish they knew what it took, the monumental effort you make, the hours of speech and OT, and work that you have put into doing what others do with ease. The fact that they don't think twice about it is a compliment to you. You make it look easy, natural, like a skilled ice skater or gymnast who makes it look easy, but has put hours of effort into their skill.


I know some days you wish you were "normal" that all the aspects of life and social skills came easily. We've talked about it. Mary, normal is overrated. You are so much more than normal could ever hope to be. At the end of the day you have a foundation of qualities that will push you past what normal could ever hope or dream of achieving.  I know it because I have seen it in your strong, determined, beautiful blue eyes.

Happy 16th  Birthday!

You've come a long way, Baby! I look forward to the adventure ahead, to watch and enjoy all the places you go, all the dreams you'll reach for, all the goals you'll achieve.

Love,

Mum

Our ADHD Holiday ADDventures

We are no strangers to adventures in holiday life - I have way to many stories - some charming and humorous, some terrifying, honestly, most are both.  It's just what you juggle when you juggle disorders like ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorders (SPD), anxiety, OCD, Aspergers, Autism, and many more.  Where "normal" families surely have bumps in their holiday road (I like to think they do anyways) navigating the special needs holiday highway can be a crazy obstacle course of road blocks and pot holes.

In case you're feeling like you're alone in having to juggle the holidays like exquisitely sharpened knives I thought I would share some of our families holiday adventures and mishaps

 I Saw Rachel Pantsing Santa Clause

Call it excitement, anticipation combined with impulsiveness.  Call it what ever you want to - I just remember sitting at a table with a bunch of other parents watching our adorable kids huddle around Santa, hankering for the candy he was passing out.  There was my daughter, about 8 years old at the time 9she's an adult now), impatiently tugging on his pants trying to get his attention. There was Santa, with his red furry pants around his ankles.  The parents were in an uproar, some racing to tell Santa - who had no clue he was flashing the entire Christmas Party.  Some literally rolling on the floor laughing.  Me, I was completely in shock - did that really just happen?

Twas the Night Before Christmas

One of our earliest holiday traditions seem to revolve around Christmas Eve.  Anticipation of the mornings stocking and present excitement building, cookies and milk set out, all the kids tucked safely in, surely it was time for mom and dad to relax a bit while everyone drifted off to sleep so the evenings real work could begin.  Magical, until, like clockwork, one children would wake up vomiting. Yep, we have an anxiety vomiter and Christmas Eve made her anxious.
Finally, one year, she cued us in on why we had established such a terrible Christmas tradition. When we were trying to get her calmed down she stammered out a question,"Why can't Santa leave the presents on the doorstep like the Easter Bunny?"

As she's gotten older she's expounded on her fear- she told us, 'think about it - an old man, who lives forever, who knows what you've been thinking, your deepest desires, who watches your every move, good or bad and sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake.  He waits until you're asleep then sneaks into your house, eats food, and leaves presents. Creepy."

It was NOT okay with her.  I never would have guessed that in a million years.  The magic of Santa had never translated into danger for me. We didn't change our tradition of finding the presents under the tree or stockings full of small surprises but we did address her fears and figured out ways for her to feel safe.  Over the years she found enough peace to ditch her nasty Christmas Eve tradition - one we were all happy to see go. She loves the season she still is no fan of Santa. Lucky for her Santa loves her anyways.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

A couple of years ago our oldest daughter was at the mall with our youngest son.  She thought she would do something special and sentimental with him so she offered to wait in line with him to see Santa Claus. He looked at her with skeptical eyes, "You want me to go sit on a strangers lap and reveal my deepest desires? Uh...NO thank you, that's not fun, that's creepy."

The Little Drummer Boy (Our not so little anymore flute girl)

Our daughter has played the flute since she was 7.  We got her started because she was such a little stress and anxiety ball and needed an outlet.  She's has always been gifted at it, had nearly perfect tone, and almost never hits the wrong notes.  Why?  She's has auditory defensiveness/sensitivity and hears wrong notes so intensely they drive her crazy.  She has a hard time enjoying music, though she loves it, writes it, breathes it like it was air to her, because she can't help but hear any missed variation.

Recently we were at a beautiful Christmas concert.  They had a flutist who had a very unnatural vibrato to everything she played.  Years ago our daughter would have loudly complained about it.  Everyone around us would have had a lecture on vibrato, and known exactly how violent this ladies was making our daughter.  We've found that progress in social skills and every other coping mechanism with our kids comes very slowly, sometimes it's down right imperceptible but then you wake up one day and all those little bits of progress have added up to something remarkable. 

She still complained, expressed her deep desire to run up to the stage, rip the flute out of the ladies hands and beat her with it. BUT, she didn't flee the building, huff and puff for everyone to see her disgust, and she whispered it.

"The Fire is so Delightful"

Our latest fascination it a video the kids stumbled onto while searching for Prep and Landing on Netflix.  It's a video of wood burning in the fireplace.  First of all, we have a fireplace to burn wood in but this has tripped every ADHD wire in their ADHD brains and they are fixated with it.  They keep joking about the special effects and fine quality of the video.  They were ecstatic to find out there was two episode and are eagerly awaiting a sequel.  They wanted to move the TV in front of the real fireplace just to watch the video, to buy a 100 inch TV so they could see it even bigger on the wall.  They run up and warm their hand in front of it, my son rips his shirt off because it's getting so hot, and they yell at each other for walking in front of the screen and obscuring the view.  Who knew a recorded fire could bring so much entertainment and fun, I didn't.

Hark, the Herald Angels Weep

My husband leaned over to me in church yesterday and said, "Do you think my plan for the tree topper angel is sacrilegious?" I honestly had to think about it for a minute or two.  I really don't hink of the Christmas tree is a very religious symbol of Christmas.  I know that their are all kind of explanations of how it represents different facets of faith but really I think those explanations  but personally I think the tree is a great decoration for the season and part of magical tradion and that's about it.

Qualifier, our kids are NOT very little anymore, our youngest is 12 in a couple weeks.  Fact, everyone in our house loves Dr. Who.  Add to this mix the fact that my husband has a deep seeded distaste for our Christmas Tree topper angel. Add to the old tree topper angel some serious ADHD, some creative genus, some impulsivity, some Modpodge, some spray paint, and you have a weeping angel Cristmas Tree topper.
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That's right, by tonight our new and improved weeping angel Christmas tree topper will be staring down from the top of the Christmas tree.  I leaned over to him and whispered back, "No, I don't think it's sacrilegious at all."

Holidays can be hard: uncomfortable clothes, overstimulating events, social skills war zone, organizational hell, too many demands coming from too many directions.  But in the midst of it all we have learned to compromise, teach, ditch the demands, and find what works for our family.  It's not perfect but it's our holiday, our traditions, and we love it.

Dear Adam Levine, Thank You for Owning Your ADHD

We gathered as a family to watch the end of The Voice the other night.  But in my opinion the most important moment didn't come when all the superstars sang, or when they handed out keys to new cars for the finalist or even when they announced the winner.

As the mom to 6 ADHD kids (7 kids in all) and wife to an ADHD husband the most pivotal moment of the evening came as they played a video of Adam Levine playing the piano, the drums, the guitar, whistling, talked about him playing the accordion, and showed him singing.

In that moment one of my kids reminded everyone that Adam Levine had ADHD too. There was a level of pride filling the room.  "He's just like us." one said.  Another added, "you know it's because of his ADHD that he has to play all those instruments, that he's good at all of them!"  They know that drive, the unquenchable force that pushes you past distraction, past focus, and lands you on the positive side of hyper-focus.

and drums, basses, electric guitars & flutes

The excitement, the acceptance, the hope in that moment was tangible.

There are many successful ADHD people out there, more and more of them are coming forth and owning their ADHD.  I wonder if they will ever know the impact they have on the upcoming generation of kids with ADHD.  Those kids and struggling adults can find they have potential in the success of another person.  To struggle through school, through feeling different and awkward, through trying to master coping mechanisms, and find a way to use all this energy and potential seeing someone's success is a beacon, it's proof it can be done. Instead of just seeing all the things they aren't, they catch a glimmer of all they can be.

Every successful person who comes forth and owns their ADHD is important in the life of others who struggle with the same issues no matter what walk of life their success is in.  Adam Levine hits home in my house because he's creative.  Creative is what we do, art, music, singing, acting, writing, film, animation to see a successful person with ADHD inspires them towards their own greatness.

Stigma, shame, embarrassment, the threat of being judged by negative stereotypes for admitting your ADHD are real. The world would have us hide anything that is different or imperfect.  Ironically, the only way to change those negative stereotypes is to take that risk, to face that fear, and be bold about our disorders in front of the world until those walls are broken down.  Then, fear, stigma, shame,embarrassment, negative stereotypes can be replaced by knowledge and understanding.

There is no doubt that ADHD is a mixed bag.  There are struggles, endless struggles; but, there is greatness also.  Thank you Adam Levine for being willing to show both sides to the world.  Thank you to all successful people who stand up and own it.




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The Color Purple - An ADHD Homework Nightmare

He emptied his backpack onto the living room floor.  It was like Mary Poppins' carpetbag or clowns coming out of a tiny circus car. I still don't know how he fit it all in his backpack to begin with but after he started pulling things out I had no question why he couldn't find the purple piece of paper that was the last and final part of his Service Learning Project Board.

For my two youngest sons, this is their first year back in public school after five years of home school. 
There certainly have been some major adjustments, homework being at the top of the list. To this day one of my favorite things about the home school years was no homework. No homework to keep track of. No makeup work after illness. No homework to agonize over when the meds have worn off and the brain just isn't functioning. No homework to lose.

Keeping track of homework, remembering to do it, doing it, remembering to turn it in are all hallmark problems for ADHD kids (and for adults though it wouldn't necessarily be called homework it would more likely translate into work assignments or projects).

My son's backpack is probably the stereotypical ADHD backpack. Looking at it I, myself, had to wonder how on earth the child is getting good grades and turning anything in on time.

It's simple: his absolute obsession and fear of disappointing a teacher overrides his absolute lack of organization. His anxiety level is intense, it's one of the reasons why we went to home school right before the 4th grade when the class size and intensity of curriculum were both going to take a big jump up. Nightly he paces the halls and worries that he didn't write something down in his planner, no matter how many times he reviews it. Clearly, organization is a coping skill we are working on but haven't come close to mastering.

This project board about sent him over the edge. Projects with lots of pieces and parts are also notoriously difficult for ADHDers. He had arranged to do the 10 hours of service at our local library, as an avid reader this was a magical place to serve. He had written all the parts of the project up, printed out the blurbs and pictures to glue onto the project board which he had painstakingly decorated like a huge bookshelf.  All he had left was the purple paper.

For days I had suggested talking to his teacher. His response, "I can't. I truly fear that woman." I reassured him as best I could, but, her strong PE teacher personality had him shaking in his boots. I've talked to her several times, truth is she loves him as a student, gets a kick out of his unique personality and intensity. But he still wouldn't talk to her. He was convinced that she didn't have any more of the precious purple papers, not one. Sure that he was going to fail the entire project without that purple piece of paper he turned to any alternative he could come up with.

He was going to talk to the girl he was supposed to do the project with, who bailed at the last minute, she might have one. She wasn't using hers, he explained, she's failing the class anyway so she didn't do the project or the board. I questioned whether someone who was that disconnected would have the purple paper. "Good point," he said, "good point."

At my request, he braved the backpack and went through it one paper at a time looking for the purple paper. I tried to edge in a little organizational time by having him sort everything into piles, one for each class. That didn't work, though he did find half of a white copy of the purple piece of paper. Clearly, it wouldn't do, he argues. In addition to being ripped, it was not purple.

He came up with a plan, he was trying to enlist the help of his oldest sister to "forge" the purple paper. She could do the forgery on the computer and then we could go to the store and find the right color purple paper and print it out.  How is this easier than asking for a new one? It's not, but, he reiterated that he really really fears that woman, so in his mind, it was safer.

Board completed. Minus the purple paper, having never found the original. No copy to take from a fellow student. Forgery vetoed by mom and dad. He took the project board to school to turn it in. He was going to have to brave his teacher and ask for a new one to glue on the board.

When he got home from school I asked how it all turned out.

"Oh," he exclaimed cheerfully, "the purple piece of paper didn't have to be on the board."

For your entertainment I have written down some of the fake book titles that my son put on his project board. He and his sister, the one he was trying to rope into a life of crime as a forger, had a great time coming up with them. It was late and the meds had definitely worn off (for both of them).

Sometimes I Eat Paper Clips - Overcoming PICA


Prunes and Prejudice

Fish - A Complete History

101 Ways to Slay a Clown

Mayonnaise is NOT Marshmallow Cream

Tapping Into Your Inner Dolphin

The Super Guide to Malaga and Beyond

How to be a Lumberjack - Sleep All Night - Work All Day

They Call Me The Rabbit Whisperer

Coping with Alien Abduction and Probing

So You Want to be a Llama Herder

Thank Goodness This is the Last Book by Ima Exhausted

and the banned book: 10 Reasons NOT to Get a Colonoscopy

An Inheritance from the Distracted King - Mastering Hyperfocus

Besides inheriting their ADHD from their father, the Distracted King, our children are benefiting from his years of experience and the many coping mechanisms that he has found to pay the heavy price tag of ADHD and open the great and marvelous gifts which it offers.

The King and I were talking today about hyperfocus, a quality of ADHD that can easily hijack the mind making it easy to get lost in ideas, creative ventures, and activities.  The conversation was inspired by a wonderful blogpost I read written by Zoe Kessler for Psych Central called A Hyperfocus Balance Sheet: Is Hyperfocus Worth it?  A wonderful breakdown of pros and cons to hyperfocus.  In the discussion the King said he considers hyperfocus one of the greatest qualities he gains from his ADHD.  It has taken a long time to get the balance just right, to master it rather than it controlling him, but now it's an asset that he uses in many aspects of daily life.

The benefits to my husband and our family are really hard to quantify but I have pinned down specifics of this sizable inheritance beyond the obvious financial benefits we have gained from his successful career.

The King has taught them to use hyperfocus to accomplish an unwanted, even hated task.  One of the hardest things for the ADHD mind to do is focus on something boring, uninteresting, or undesirable.  Unfortunately life is full of such tasks. Right now, for our kids, school is full of such tasks.  The King uses something that his mind wants to hyperfocus on as a carrot to get through the mundane and irritating.

We have a son, now a freshman in high school, who is a grammar freak.  Until we had him diagnosed with ADHD and medicated in the 1st grade he couldn't remember his alphabet. Then, like someone turned on a switch, he started reading.  Within a couple of months he was reading at a 6th grade level and much to the chagrin of the teachers and office staff he was correcting the spelling and grammar of the school newsletter and returning it each week.  Now this same son had to read a book in honors English, House on Mango Street.  It has been several months and he still randomly breaks out into rants about how horrible that book was to get through.  Why?  It has no grammar at all - just one run-on sentence.  The boy who can sit down and read a 400- 600 page book that he wants to read in a day or two was struggling to get through a page.

With the help of his father he learned how to hyperfocus on the task he didn't want to do so he could get to the one he wanted to do.  Reading chunks for the reward of reading chunks.  Important to note that you have to set limits on your pleasurable hyperfocus or you will easily get swept away.  In this case it was pages or chapters, sometimes it minutes or hours.  Today he used those same skills to write an essay for the same class.  Each time he uses the skills he is learning about managing his focus and engaging the ability to hyperfocus he is able to do more and more on his own without the Kings help of guidance.

The King has taught them how to establish a state of hyperfocus, how to get into the groove.  Getting into that hyperfocus state of mind is easy when it's where your mind wants to go but when it doesn't want to go there it can be very difficult.  The King has certainly proven it can be done.  He has also passed the process onto our children. Recently we found out we had to move, the King took one of our daughters out to the garage, surveying it he said to her, "Mary, I need to know what is in this garage.  I need someone who can get lost in this job."  Other than a few parameters he didn't tell her how to do the job. She strung up Christmas lights, found an old boombox we thought was dead forever, fixed it, blasted music, created a system for finding and cataloging everything in the garage, and went to town.

As each day passed she employed the first lesson listed above by doing other chores that needed to be done and then headed back to the garage.  The King is still teaching her the lesson, helping her learn to take breaks, praising her work and progress, helping her see the value of the time and effort she is putting into the task, and satisfaction of finishing a long hard job.

Important to note that the King didn't dictate how she got into the groove of hyperfocus, that is a very individual process that changes for each person and each task.

The King has taught them there is a time to stop - pull yourself from the groove and pay attention to other things in life.  It took the King years to learn this and personally I would like to think that I had a little something to do with it.  Just like he would go out the garage to help Mary learn to monitor and balance her ability to hyperfocus I have helped him, over the years, to see when he was loosing perspective.  This has probably been one of the harder lessons to learn but he has really come to a place of where he can pull himself from that hyperfocus state and enjoy the world around him.  Having both the ability to put yourself into that frame of mind and take yourself out of it allows you to use it daily, finishing  small projects and making marked progress on long ones.

Part of learning it and teaching it is learning to recognize what you need and what those around you need.  While getting his focus ripped out from under him is hard - he even describes it as painful, he has learned to communicate it and teach ways to cope with it to our kids.  Being self aware and being able to express it to others helps them understand where you are coming from and what they can do to help.  He consistently includes them by asking them to look at something he's working on and for their critique.  When our rather random house is firing distractions like a war zone he asks for their help in keeping his focus.  He often says I can't think about that right now but let me get to this point in my work and my attention is all yours.

The kids have become very good at being equally self aware and expressive.  As they vocalize their struggle between what they need to be doing and the multitude of ideas that flood them we can help them manage the way their brains work while they learn to manage it themselves.

Most commonly we see this manifested in the uncontrollable need to write down an idea, record a melody, or draw an inspired picture.  He has taught them to jot down notes or record ideas quickly and then get back to the required task at hand.  He has taught them that even though it is hard to wait they can.  They can remember the inspiration and act on it in the appropriate time.


The King has taught them that you can include others in your hyperfocus state, making it not such a solitary quality.  Their are aspects of his job that are not very inclusive.  We can't all sit around and edit a film or draw the same picture.  He includes us in the source of his hyperfocus by including us where he can.  More than just asking our opinions he has pulled us into his world and activities.  When he worked on a film a couple of years ago our family became intimately involved.  Our older girls were production assistants, the younger ones acted as extras, we were often on set if nothing else just to watch and be there with him.  We write stories as a family, make movies, deeply discuss art, literature, and music.  He proves all the time that hyperfocus does not need to be a solitary place, in fact it can be very inclusive as we look for ways to share our joys and obsessions.  Many of our fondest memories revolve around getting lost together in a wonderfully creative world come to life.

It has passed along to our children and they are know to come and share their inspiration with us and involve each other in their creative endeavors.  Fernando asks Hannah or Rachel for drawings of characters for his story, Mariah has Rachel help her with lyrics and has her sing her songs, Rachel takes lyrics to Mariah, they help each other with plot ideas for stories and movie, they share and pull others into their process.

The King as taught them that there is a satisfaction that comes in finishing, a confidence that carries you through to the next hard thing to conquer that requires the ability to hyperfocus.  When our daughter Mariah was about 15 she was already heavily into the world of composing music.  I think she fell into that world from the moment she took her first music lesson at 7 years old.  At 15 he had a tall order for her though.  He needed a song written for a movie he was working on - one that she could write and she and her sister could perform.  A song that would play during a movie scene where one of the characters, a young gang kid, is considering suicide.  He pulled her into his hyperfocus, spinning her off into her own.

It was a hard thing to do, she had to use all of the skills mentioned above to complete it. She had to pace herself and find balance using hyperfocus on a consistent basis to complete a task.  She had to put herself into that hyperfocus state when she didn't necessarily want to finding a process to do that, a place to best work, set the mood for herself.  She had to communicate when she needed help following inspiration because it finally hit.  Often she had to find ways to hold onto the inspiration and set it aside until she could work on it at the appropriate time and place.  Sometimes she needed help pulling herself from that place back into the flow of life.    It wasn't a song she ever would have written on her own, it was dictated by the script and mood of the film at that moment.  But she did it.  How priceless is the knowledge that you can apply yourself to a task that isn't what you would choose to do, one that is hard and painstaking, and you can finish with high praise.

ADHD is a life long disorder, the way their brains are wired is not going to suddenly change. They will struggle with how to manage and use the qualities of ADHD to some degree all their life but every bit of ground they gain, every bit of understanding, every tool they acquire changes what their future looks like.  They are fortunate that the Distracted King is there to lead the way, that he embraces his strengths and weaknesses and strives to show them that they can work on them everyday because he works on them everyday.  In the end is there really any inheritance more valuable than that.

*The song, Smoke and Mirrors, is written by Mariah Aro with help from her sister Rachel and performed by Rachel Aro with harmonies by Mariah.

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