What Goes Around - The Return of Morse Code

My in-laws asked for Christmas lists for all the kids, they live out of town and don't get to see the kids that often.  Some lists were reasonable - some, well, not reasonable at all. One daughter asked for one of her favorite musicians for Christmas - grandma asked, "like a doll or poster?" Daughter answered, "No, I want the actual artist." Grandma went with option B, fluffy blue towel.

Some gave totally reasonable list unless you're a grandparent with a limited knowledge of the truly important things in life like Dr. Who.  Then you might end up in the tool department trying to figure out why there is no section for Sonic Screwdrivers. I know they were there and asking because they called from the tool department in Wal-Mart, a little confused and frustrated.

So, when my freshman in high school opened his present from his grandparents to find a light up moon that had a remote control allowing you to change the lighting to show the stages of the lunar cycle I really had no idea what he was going to do with it.  It wasn't Dr. Who related, or Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars, or Transformers.  It had nothing to do with mid-evil armor, or fantasy, or poetry, and writing. It really had nothing to do with any of his obsessions - past or present. He was great though - said he loved it, gave thank yous, hugs, and kisses. 

Later he would tell me he has totally accepted the fact that he's a pack rat/hoarder because he can find a use for anything and everything.  This, he pointed out, makes everything worth keeping. By everything, he means everything, as in every item of clothes he's ever worn, old shoes (one time he told me he couldn't part with his old shoes, they'd been with him every step of the way), every piece of paper from school or play...everything.

It shouldn't have been a surprise to me when he came barreling into the living room the next morning where I was sitting with his grandparents and his little brother.  He flopped the moon down on the floor and announced he had found the perfect place to hang it in there room so they could both see it from their bunk beds.  He then proceeded to ask Jaren if he was ready and started blinking the moon rapidly flashing short and long beams of light.

And there you have it - Morse code comes flying back into our lives.  

Several years ago we read a wonderful series of books as a family called The Mysterious Benedict Society.  Wonderfully unique characters use their various skills and abilities to work together to save their world.  When in dire circumstances they would use Morse Code and a flash light to communicate.  Our house was on a Morse Code kick for months.  Tapping it on tables, flash lighting it to each other, they even sent emails entirely in Morse Code. (- . - - - - . - - - - - . . - - . - . . - - . - - - . - - . - - - . - - . - . - - . Morse Code For, “No! You Can’t Make Me!”)  I have yet to find an obsession in our house that actually goes away and never returns.  If anything they get back burner-ed for awhile only to resurface to center stage for a bit before disappearing for a bit again.

So, here we are 3 or 4 years later, the day after Christmas, the boys went nuts.  They were writing out the messages they wanted to send to each other, passing the moon remote back and forth, laughing and moving in a total ADHD pace of excitement and joy.  My in-laws sat in awe, speechless.  Then after a blur of activity, a Morse code frenzy, my father-in-law blinked a couple of time and asked, "Where did you learning Morse Code?"  Hunter was too busy and completely wrapped up in his own universe.

He blurted, as if the answer was obvious, "Wikipedia."  A couple of minutes went by the he froze mid-sentence and screamed, "BINARY CODE! I have to learn it."  and ran off.

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Nesting...and I Don't Mean the Obsessive Desire to Clean

Over the years we as a family have found that we have our own definitions and terms we use all the time – our own family language.  Take for example the term nesting.

Nesting:  When someone refuses to put anything away in its place and insists on having their belongs piled around a central spot like their favorite place to sit or their bed.  Creating a nest of stuff, where everything is mostly visible.

It is a strange phenomenon, nesting, one that took me years to figure out and I am still working on resolving it one child at a time.  It started with my oldest daughter, Rachel.  Rachel loves to draw and has drawn since she was about 18 months old. Rachel, I am sure, is personally responsible for the demise of a good portion of the rain forest.  In fact she is bound to be on an environmentalist watch list somewhere.  All those papers, piles and piles of papers ended up on her floor.  We bought colorful bins and folders, purple binders and decorated file boxes but they were never in use very long.  It was maddening. 

No matter where it started out it would end up in a tight circle with just enough space in the middle for her to sit. I turned to organizing books and plans – all laid to waste by Rachel.  Some did have interesting idea – one of which started me on the path to understanding.  Though I can not remember the name of the book the idea was that you had to organize based on your personality and needs.

This sent me on a quest to understand why Rachel felt the need to have everything she owned in plain sight.  It ended in a very interesting perspective.  Rachel was afraid that she would forget where she put something. She brought a whole new meaning to out of sight out of mind.  All my pretty colorful solutions were blocking her view and enhancing her fear that her memory would fail her. 

In my house, at least, this is a very common manifestation of ADHD (Attention Deficit hyperactivity Disorder) and causes a great deal of anxiety.  It causes anxiety for my kids as they try and keep everything visible; anxiety for me as I want it invisible.

Rachel ended up with very plain clear plastic bins that could be stacked easily and viewed from all angles. When we finally got Rachel’s nest under control we found the most interesting things residing in it.  Not the least of which was a huge red onion. We knocked her nest down a notch or two and made her room manageable for me and for her.  Notice I did not say perfect…manageable is okay.

I wish I could say that clear plastic was the solution to all life’s organization quandaries but then there was Mary.  Mary is my current nester.  She makes Rachel look like an amateur. 

When I brought home the clear plastic bins she wanted to pick the largest most unreasonable things to put in them, huge stuffed animals.  That filled the bins in no time at all with the mashed up faces of Build a Bears.  At this rate her room would have been filled with clear plastic bins and still had a nest of My little Ponies, Littlest Pet Shops, photographs, drawings, writings all held together by some brewing science experiments.

Not the idea or the result I was looking for. She thought I didn’t realize that ploy of distraction to draw me away from the nest of treasures.  I am not so easily fooled.  She may win the battle but I will win the war.

I am currently in the process of figuring out what works for Mary and it isn’t working as quickly as I want it to.  As much as I want to go in there and clean it all for her I know, by experience, that unless she has buy-in and is a part of the solution that works for her then it will be another short-lived de-nesting experience.

Can't help but wonder if this extreme nesting is another side helping from the ADHD buffet of co-existing conditions, maybe a little Obsessive Compulsive Hoarding going on!  Rachel, Mary, and Hunter I can definitely see it...all over the place.  Ahhhhh Hunter, who wants to keep the Hulk big wheel trike he had when he was little, the one that got run over by a car about 5 years ago, for his children.  Along with every paper he ever touched, every item of clothes and every toy.  

In the end i just hope for a reasonably clean room, I hope they’ll have learned to understand themselves a little better and come up with a coping mechanism that will help them manage themselves when they are on their own.   

Hopefully, I can have my house full of kids and be an empty-nester at the same time, hopefully.

Check out this link to hoarding that was sent to me and remember that the internet is full of it (LOL) so judge information you read on it carefully:   

http://www.ocfoundation.info/hoarding/about-hoarding/compulsive-hoarding-syndrome-introduction.php